During the first 7 weeks of having a baby I have definitely experienced those well known baby blues. Luckily nothing horrendous warranting a trip to the doctor’s, but enough to make me want to close the door to the bathroom and scream for a second before resuming mum life as normal.
There’s no worse feeling than having your baby cry and not being able to help them. For the past few days Fletcher has been a little bit out of sorts, he’s been crying more than normal, almost like he is in pain. His cry is high pitched and he gets himself in such a state, it breaks my heart. Beforehand, a feed or a cuddle would settle him in no time and I felt like super mum – able to tend to his needs straight away. However, I have felt helpless these past couple days. I try to feed him or cuddle him and his crying doesn’t stop and I find myself getting more and more upset by it. All I want to do is make him feel comfortable and happy again and take away the tears. After a trip to he doctor’s it turns out he has tonsillitis – poor fella! Seeing your baby cry has to be, in my opinion, the most upsetting part of motherhood.
My first realisation that I had was having some baby blues was when Fletcher was just a few weeks old. We’d gone to Curry’s to buy a printer (because we needed to print all those gorgeous baby pictures that I keep pestering people with on my Instagram) and Fletcher had his first real projectile sick in the car. He’d made a right mess of his car seat and his clothes. It got all over his cute new, personalized dummy clip his Nanny bought. It was adorable, it had Peter rabbit and his name on it. When we got home, I was sorting out cleaning everything. I was also in the process of sterilizing the breast pump and I thought… Oh I know, I’ll sterilize his dummy clip to make it clean again… F**king idiot! The dummy clip has metal on it and I only went and burnt it, as well as making the breast pump smell of burnt plastic! I cried my eyes out about it, like a right twat. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking, it was 100% a baby brain moment.
Ask for help!
After this ordeal I have only had small moments of baby blues. When he’s crying and I can’t help him, no matter what I try – it often has me wanting to burst into tears and scream “Someone help me!” This is mainly because I’m just so tired, considering I do a feed at 2am most nights and again at 4 or 5am. (Which I know, for some of you mums that might sound like a dream – but I love my sleep and I get tired too easily) My husband is amazing but has a terrible habit, when Fletcher is screaming and I’m looking stressed, he will say “Do you want me to take him?” and me being me, trying to be super mum who’s attached to her baby will say no and will continue to stressfully try to calm him down. When really I want to say “YES! Please take him, I’m exhausted!” I’d rather him just simply say, “Here, let me take him, you need a break.” Sorry Scott but I do sometimes, even if I’m putting on a brave face… So force me to give him up! I think I need to learn to ask for help when I need it and not just wait for it, men can’t really read between the lines can they haha!
So on a separate note, something that I’m sure many of you will have experienced in some form or another. Why do members of the public feel the need to comment on my upset child, like they think they know better? I know it’s harmless and they’re only making small talk really. But I wanna put it out there and say it doesn’t help. If my child is crying, don’t you think I know it!? I’m also feeling pretty embarrassed about it, so how about just ignoring us and carry on with your day. I know majority of the time why he is crying so I don’t need you to tell me “He must be hungry!” Or “Someone isn’t happy, he needs his mummy!” No mate, I fed him before I left the house. Of course he needs his mummy… I’m sat here in the doctor’s waiting room because I felt something was wrong with him and turns out he has tonsillitis. So he probably wants to get the hell out of his car seat and snuggle up with me, so that I can’t physically do anything for the rest of the afternoon, because that’s what makes him feel better. When you’re ill, don’t you feel like crying and snuggling up in bed in your own home comforts, because I know I do! I’m obviously polite and actually respond with a “Yeahhhh…” With a fake smile on my face.
To be honest, I even hate the small talk people make with me about Fletcher. On a daily basis I am answering the same questions
“Do he keep you up at night?”
“How old is he?”
“Boy or girl?”
“What’s his name?”
“Is he good?”
“I bet he loves his mummy!”
No he doesn’t keep me up at night, he’s bloody brilliant really. He’s 7 weeks but what does it matter to you? He was a boy last time I checked! His name’s Fletcher, don’t pretend to like it if you don’t. Yeah he’s alright…he’s a baby init, he cries sometimes but the naughty step isn’t in action yet so we use the naughty boob, that keeps him quiet. And that’s just a bloody stupid question mate… I’m his source of food and life in general of course he friggin’ loves me. At least I bloody hope so, otherwise he’s going on the naughty boob to think about it!
Yes, I realise this is making me sound like a right misery. The first few weeks of answering these questions were lovely, baby pride at it’s finest. Everyone look at my gorgeous baby and ask me lots of questions because I like to talk about him! But I’ve answered these same questions everytime I’m out in public and it’s just starting to get a bit boring now. I don’t want people to even look at my child anymore. Sorry, not sorry.
However, thank you to the Tesco worker who offered to pack my bags because she could probably see I couldn’t concentrate because Fletcher was crying. That woman was a small blessing in my shitty day today!