You find yourself looking at Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat, watching others having fun. Watching them drink, meet friends and having an exciting life and you think to yourself… Will I ever have fun again?
Lucky for me my social life has always been in the toilet. I’m going to be totally honest and say friendships for me very rarely ever work out. Because I’m that type of person who would try to avoid eye contact with someone I recognize in a supermarket to avoid that awkward hello. I’m the type of person who prefers one really good friend than a million that mean nothing and care very little about me. I can also be lazy and therefore I don’t always make the first move trying to arrange to meet up with someone for a catch up. So for these reasons and many more, I’m a sad git with zero social life.
Before having Fletcher, I’d often get jealous of seeing other girls who have large friendship groups and go out for lunch together often. The WhatsApp groups that people have with all there friends in (my most used WhatsApp conversations happen with my mum, and my husband’s family group chat). I think this is why I find blogging such a comforting thing, because I guess I don’t really have anyone other than my mum and Scott that I actually open up to so much *Plays worlds tiniest violin*.
I ain’t looking for sympathy so you can quit thinking aww poor girl – she’s a sado who has no friends. Because thankfully for me, I now have an excuse for my unsociable nature. I am a mummy – and I wouldn’t choose to have it any other way. I still get jealous watching people have pub drinks, go out for cocktails, I even get jealous of those super social mummies who have billions of baby mumma friends and go on those pram dates together – but then I’m too shy and nervous to join these baby groups by myself – and don’t even get me started on being nervous about Fletcher’s CF at a baby group anyway! (I think I’m getting postnatal anxiety to be honest – in fact I think I’ve always had it.)
I do often think of how I’d like to do a lot of things, like going out for drinks with the friends I do have, having a “baby free” night I guess. Then I look down at my beautiful son, snuggled up on my chest and I take all those thoughts back. I don’t think anything beats being with my family. All I have ever wanted from life is to be a mother, and I have that now, so why would I want to wish it away?
My new little family is my world and so now, my fun consists of watching my son smile back at me when I sing to him. Seeing his face light up in the morning like he’s not see us for days. Reading him a book thinking he knows what I’m saying, when really he hasn’t a clue but just likes me talking to him. Attempting to get him to play with a rattle and watching him try to figure out how his hands work. When he let’s out a little winge, pretending I know it’s because he wants a cuddle but really, I just want a cuddle. Feeling the new found love that I have for my husband (not meaning I fell out of love with him – just meaning that since becoming parents, the love I feel for him is so much stronger than I even thought possible… ) Yeah alright, soppy right?! Who cares?! I am living my best life and that’s all that matters to me right now. Friends come and go, and the party scene is not my world anymore. If I had to say one thing I miss about that life it would purely be dressing up and feeling good about myself, but I’ll take a cup of tea and a biscuit sat with my family, over a cocktail in a bar any day. No reason why I couldn’t dress up for that right?! Nahh… Where’s my slippers?