I just wanna start by saying sorry I’m not blogging as regularly as I was before… But have you felt the heat?! I cannot function when I’m a miserable, sweaty, hot mess.
So, I had my first “Baby Free” night out on a Friday night. It was our 1 year wedding anniversary – so I guess we felt like… well we should probably celebrate this somehow, and I did rather fancy a nice meal. An uninterrupted one, where I’m not just panicking about the possibility of having to get my boob out in a restaurant to feed my baby. Who cannot seem to grasp the concept that his mother needs to eat too! Restaurant feeding has to be one of my biggest worries with breastfeeding – I always hope we are sat somewhere away from most people, or in a booth of some kind where I feel a little hidden away. This time, I wanted to go somewhere posh, somewhere fancy, somewhere I guess people don’t take babies. where I could dress up properly (which is now a rarity, considering I barely even re-do my bed head hairstyle most days), so we decided on a fancy Chinese restaurant in town.
Fletcher was going to be left at home with my mum for the duration of our meal – which did not worry me in the slightest as Fletcher loves his Nanny. I think they have a great bond already, and this is due to multiple reasons such as, my mum being there at the birth and I practically see her every week! So that was never a concern for me and for my first night away from him I was glad it was my mum, so I felt comfortable Fletcher wouldn’t just cry for no reason. My biggest concern was milk supply!
Due to exclusively breastfeeding, ensuring that I supply enough milk for my mum to use while we were out, was a big worry. During the week before our night out, I pumped once a day and froze that for her to use. There are so many rules and regulations about how long breast milk can be refrigerated or frozen etc etc… So I had to do my research and found freezing the milk to be my best option. I saved up a good 20ish oz of milk in separate bags for her to use. I had no idea how long I’d be out for so I wanted to over-supply otherwise we’d have trouble! Fletcher will usually take anything from 3-6oz (from a bottle) and feeds every 2-3 hours. So I was using this as a rough guide to freeze enough milk. So the night before we went out, I got out the milk and put it in the fridge to defrost gradually for the next day. This worked well as it was fully defrosted by the following evening and all mum had to do was warm up a bag before each use. I fed Fletcher myself just before we left and then off we went.
For a start, I felt over dressed. It was a summer’s evening so everyone was still out and about in shorts and t-shirts and there I was in my LBD and heels, definitely trying to hard to feel good. I was so desperate to dress up, I wore an outfit like I was going clubbing or something! And yet I still felt like a mum trying to have a night out, with a breast pad sticking out the top of my bra and my big knickers on. So next time, I most certainly won’t be trying to “dress up”. Keep it casual!
We got an Uber into town so at least I didn’t feel like we had to wait around for the bus like a teenager on their first night out, aaaand because I wanted to get home faster if needed. I did enjoy the restaurant, the food was great and I love a Chinese (trust us to choose a take-away form of food to have at a restaurant though). However, I couldn’t help but feel like I should be rocking a pram beside me or eating faster because I have a wingey baby waiting for food also! We literally spent 30-40 minutes in the restaurant… That was it. We never hang about when we’re out having a meal. When it’s just two of you, you eat..then you go… What more is there to do?! We don’t need to force small talk, we’re married! We just come for the food! I did however feel like, this is ridiculous, we’ve come out for our anniversary, into town, to enjoy time to ourselves and yet we already feel like we wanna go home. (Or I did anyway, I missed my baby already!) We were too stuffed for dessert but had room for some cocktails, so we went over to a fancy bar for drinks.
I love a good cocktail me! Their menu was incredible and it was hard to choose. Scott had some gross, smoky, manly one that even he didn’t enjoy. I had a nice fruity one – which was alright. Sitting in the bar, dressed up, having cocktails, still didn’t feel right. I couldn’t help but think of my baby boy, at home, probably just fine, but…. I wanted him! I wanted to be with him, cuddling on the sofa, watching crap on TV, with my husband by my side, as a family, eating crisps and wearing our comfies. My mum sent me a picture of him fast asleep. Little bugger didn’t even miss me! Like why isn’t he crying for me? Why doesn’t he notice I’m gone? Why do I want him to notice? Bloody ridiculous right!?
All in all, we had a nice night out. Only 2 hours but, that was a big deal for me! That was all it was really, just a chance for me to learn he’s absolutely fine without me. Which sort of… Saddened me weirdly because I want to be his everything… Just like he is mine! Selfish really, he doesn’t give a toss about me as long as he got milk. Well thanks mate! He only needed one bottle of all that milk I spent so long building up for the occasion… I did my usual, over worrying basically. I’m happy I did it, because it was for me really. Sad thing was, as soon as I had him in my arms that night, he was screaming his head off. Oh cheers mate, I’ve only been out for 2 hours and missed you like crazy!! Nanny you can have him back now!
My son is my absolute world. I don’t care if I don’t want to leave him, I don’t care if I smother him with cuddles and affection because nothing beats that little smile on his face when he sees me. Those moments when we’re cuddling and he’s looking up at me and grins behind his dummy. When he’s crying and picking him up actually does stop the tears because all he needed was that love and affection that I adore to give. I don’t feel like I have to have baby free nights. It was great, don’t get me wrong, but having a meal at a restaurant can be done with a child and I don’t mind that! Even if my food does go cold. To be honest, we’d probably talk more and we’d probably stay out longer with him being with us than without anyway. He’s a great conversationalist!
P.S. I didn’t feed my baby after drinking alcohol don’t worry people! I had plenty of milk in the fridge to use that night.